An Ode - Not a Moan

I’m hot off of a 12 hour drive across continental Europe. I say hot, I believe shredded would better describe my current condition.

Over the past 7 years, I have driven over 600,000km around Europe, with my most recent journey being the 72nd drive between the continent and the UK in one direction or the other.

Trip number 72 however was different. It’s usual for me, like many others on a long drive i guess, to slip away, think of nothing special, and watch the miles pass by.

Last nights drive didn’t involve any mental emptiness. Instead, I spent some time deciphering the relationship I have with my car, or in fact any of the 14 cars in which I have completed this drive in the past.

The relationship between a car, and its driver. One does exist?

Conception and Birth

Look outside of your window. Ignore the hoodies spraying naughty words on your neighbors garage door, and look at your car.

Once, long (or not so long) ago, that piece of machinery was tens of thousands of individual parts, springs, nuts, bolts, thingys and bits and bobs. During its journey through construction it has been touched by many men, put together by them with care, precision (well, not if your car was built in the midlands or Toyota City), dedication, and a sheer pride for what the machine they are assembling will become.

Okay, so I know cars these days are almost exclusively built by robots. But those robots were built by robots built by men. There's a guy in there somewhere - i’m sure!

What leaves the production line is effectively an assembled bunch of components put together to do mans bidding. A machine. But how much of a machine is it to you?

From the moment the key is turned, it requires air to breathe. It needs fuel to sustain itself. Oil to keep its joints supple. Just like us.

Welcome Aboard!

Take a seat Sir, and make yourself comfortable.

Inside your car can be a fascinating place. Look around. Instruments, gauges and dials. Providing you with information of what your car is doing, how it’s performing. Speed, RPM, outside temperature, engine temperature, oil levels even the correct time of day. Details of the amount of fuel you’re carrying, an estimation of how far that fuel will take you. Depending on the specification of your car, the list goes on. The computer, the brain of your car, can provide you with a whole range of schematics and telematics.

Lights to help you see the road ahead. Lights inside to help you read a map. Climate control and heated seats.

Satellite navigation to help you reach your destination, and avoid traffic jams. DVD players and MP3 to keep you entertained.

Adjustable seats, and adjustable everything - ensuring that any sleep breaks you require will be comfortable ones.

All this to ensure that your journey becomes an experience, not just a journey.

Time For You Both

Solitude - not usually a word that warms our hearts. But when your car is involved, solitude can be bliss.

You, your thoughts, inside a metal box.

The control over your environment pleases me greatly too. No arguments over what to watch, and who has possession of the television remote. In here I am in control. I decide on the entertainment, its volume, and its duration.

Care and Maintenance

Do you begrudge the costs involved in caring for your vehicle? Why? I have a theory on this one too.

Do you begrudge caring for your children? Do hands seize up at the thought of dipping into your wallet to feed them, to buy them new clothes, and another pair of shoes?

Treat your car in the loving way in which you would treat your offspring and it could supply you with similar levels of joy and pride.

Infidelity

The journey of the relationship you have with your car could be similar to that of the women who have been in your life.

When you first meet, there is a spark, a certain amount of excitement. A need to take that car and have her as your own. An infatuation, a desire to be around it all the time.

For the first few months you and your car are inseparable. You want to do everything together, and it hurts when you are separated.

As time passes you become used to her. You love the fact that your car is there to meet your needs as and when required.

Time rolls on, and after a while something makes the relationship become a little stale. You’re not sure what that is, but you know something is wrong, and you start to look at other cars. Some similar to your own, others much younger and in better shape.

You may decide that you want to test the water a little, and take a younger car, with a slimmer waist and brighter headlights for test drive.

As you leave the forecourt, you see your car disappear into the distance, and then you get the feeling you are cheating on her in someway - even though you have made no decision about the future yet.

Some take the plunge. Turn their back on their faithful and loyal companion, in favor of youth and beauty.

However, there are some people out there who have found that special one, and know they can never be apart. They will always care for their good old car whatever breakdowns and mishaps occur.

Til Death Do You Part

Imagine the worst thing that could happen to your car. Being involved in a collision - together.

In addition to ensuring your comfort while you are together, your car will always have one more thing to give you.

Should you both end up in troubles way, your car will protect you.

As it enters the final throws of its untimely demise, it deploys airbags, applies tension to your seatbelt. The brain calculates the situation and attempts to avoid a collision by applying additional anti-lock braking force. The side impact bars, installed by those robots, built by robots, built by men all that time ago prepare themselves to despatch of their duties.

Almost in an act of sacrifice, your car will do everything in its power to ensure you a protected, even though its own existence is now hanging in the balance.

So, is the vehicle you are looking at through your window a mechanical mass of components. Or is it a machine, a fine machine with a heart (or a brain at least) and a soul. Do you become a part of the machine? Or does the machine become part of you?